this was a letter i wrote to a struggling friend years ago in which i give my personal account of the work of the atonement in my life, specifically, during my pregnancy.
i don't think we ever really understand the amazing miraculous power of the atonement. i had a MIGHTY change of heart when Justin came. it was so literal and so real to be "born again, a new creature" i no longer carried ANYTHING from my former life, none of the shames and none of the pains. i had new sight, new desires, new attitude, new personality. everything i'd lost PLUS everything i'd never had but should have. Even when i have given back some of those blessings, this is still a different life and a different Tamra than it was before then. my worst day as Tamra is better than my best day as Tammy, that poor girl. it reaches back in time, it retrieves what is so far gone we thought it was irretrievable, it gives us our vision back, it heals our sickest sicknesses, it binds even the heart broken a thousand times, it removes our handicaps! it teaches what we never knew and reminds what we forgot. 100 percent! i was brand new, i WAS a little child. i felt the tenderness of my Father in a way uncommon to this earthly experience. i still know it, i can never deny it, it did all that and more for me. you are not yet wasted. the Lord is offended when we think our sins are greater than his power to forgive and REDEEM. when we "don't understand his mercies". i have at times asked him to remind me of that, when the enemy of my soul whispered to me that i was gone and
the Lord didn't even want me anymore, that i had reached the bounds of the atonement. he has answered me specifically and definitely, thank goodness, even in my unworthiness he called and invited me back. he still wants u too. we've both felt at times in our lives that the Lord wanted us for some good purpose, u think he doesn't anymore? nonsense. its only his work and his glory. he leaves the ninety and nine for us! there is a feast waiting for our return! its so affordable, we just have to be as little children and believe him. and its ok if we don't completely right now as long as we can ask in whatever sincerity we can conjure " help thou my unbelief". i sometimes forget how to be as a little child so i ask my good Father to teach me, and good Father's don't upbraid or withhold when asked for help or good things. we may be tired, but we are not dead. we may be out of shape but we can work out for three minutes today and four tomorrow, and if we press forward and endure, we'll b strong and healthy, get it? we've wasted time, but not all of it. lets get what we want, better yet lets get what He wants, what we never even thought to want.