response to "how do i ever choose a couple?"

girl, i feel for ya. it was the heaviest responsibility my shoulders have ever carried! i mean, that's God's job right? deciding who goes to what family. hello! 17 and pregnant! obviously i struggle making good choices! ( ;
but it'd only ever affected me. this time, screwin up wasn't an option. i couldn't even sleep til i found them, for fear i'd choose wrong. i gave my caseworker my extensive and comprehensive list of criteria (this was back when there were only paper profiles) and she brought me my first 5 families. i opened the first file....not the family i'd ordered....there were many differences between them and what I THOUGHT i was looking for BUT, i felt something. i thought "like i'm gonna chose the first family!" i fully expected to view hundreds if not every possibility. again, this is huge! i'm gonna be thorough. so i went to scour through the other 4. they matched my preferences! they were what i was lookin for.....nothin. i tried to feel something but none of them drew me the way the first did. i couldn't get them out of my mind. i couldn't even finish the others with out going back to the first. it was such a contrast i took it to the Lord. i told him "ok, there may be somethin here. but before i pick a family, i'm gonna need some kinda burning bush! make the file glow in the dark or elevate off the desk!". the answer came through the Spirit and scripture that i was to show faith enough to go with the prompting i'd received and take a step. i was not going to be spoon fed. so, i did. i moved forward. i told my caseworker and she told me she knew i had to see that file.
as the next few days and weeks passed, i found i felt more and more at peace and somehow closer to these strangers. even before any contact, they'd become endeared to me.
i was allowed one face to face meeting with them (things were not as open in '96). i was SO freaked out! my son's opinion of me would be based mainly on how i represented myself to these 2 strangers! i must've tried on every ugly maternity outfit i had but nope, still fat. i wore TOO much makeup. and i PRAYED, hard, that i wouldn't be an idiot, that i'd be my best self, so that they could tell him he has the cutest, smartest, funnest, nicest birthmom! but i had another even more significant request of God. i told him that i knew they were his family, that i was grateful He'd shown me and for the peace of mind, that nothing would detur me from this course, but i asked...cautiously, could i please just have some little sign, just so i'd never doubt. and because i did first show faith and because of His tender mercies and because i asked, he gave liberally.
when those strangers walked into that little office, i knew them. i don't know how or from where or when but i KNOW i recognized their faces! and immediately they were in my heart, in the kind of way only family is.
while they were not what i had in mind initially, they were and are PERFECT! i can't imagine my life without them. i have total confidence in them and in my decision. i NEVER worry about him. NOW i understand that God knows i'm not that smart! it IS His job. i wasn't choosing a family, i was finding the family that God had chosen.
this is important to Him. trust me, he won't leave ya hangin. the one piece of advice i'd give is PRAY! like you've never prayed before!
besta luck. it's likely the hardest thing you'll ever do but if it's right, you CAN do it. and you WILL be alright.